The State of Me!
May. 1st, 2010 11:55 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
gozerOY, it's been busy since last I posted. Here's a (rather long-winded) recap:
My 79-year-old (but exceptionally hale-and-hearty for her age) mother fell on a crack in the concrete a block from her house in Brooklyn and broke two bones in her arm on Sunday, April 18. She was all kinds of wonderfully pragmatic, kept her head and didn't freak out -- she walked home and left a message for my sister on her cell, then called her younger brother (he has been retired for years) to let him know what happened, telling him she was about to call a car service to get to Lutheran Hospital. My uncle convinced her to wait until he could drive there to pick her up and take her himself... which, now that I'm thinking about it, actually took about a half-hour longer than a car service would have taken to get to the ER, since she had to wait that long for him to drive to her house. At the hospital, my uncle convinced her to call my sister again, which she did: this time the call woke my sister up; she's a nurse who had just come off of a double-rotation. She told my uncle that she did not trust herself to drive after being awake for 24 hours, but that she'd be there by the time they were letting my mother go, so she'd be there in time to take her home. My uncle sat with my mother at the hospital during the long hours it takes to get your arm set (from entry at the ER to being allowed to go home takes about six or seven hours.) While that was happening, my sister slept a few hours, then went to Lutheran to take charge of my mother. By then her husband had gotten home from work and they took my mother off my uncle's hands and drove her home. My uncle seemed uncommunicative, but my sister put that down to having sat for so long in a hospital waiting room. They tried to get her to go home with them but she refused -- she demanded to be taken to her own home.
During the long waiting-room wait, my mom had called me on her cell to tell me what had happened. She was weepy and asked me to come down and look after her for a few days, which I promised I'd do. She said my sister would be there soon but did not mention that my uncle was sitting next to her and he didn't take the phone to talk to me.
Now sis and uncle are feuding most horribly, apparently because my uncle was angry that she did not fly to my mother's side instantly -- it turns out that his wife is sick and he wanted to go home to her. Unfortunately, he was not upfront about this; he just sat there in the waiting room with my mom, seething with anger after he talked to my sister. He unloaded his vitriol on her when she called him to let him know that my mother was settled in at home. He yelled that she was a bad daughter and should have been there, that she shouldn't have taken my mother back to her house but should have made her go home with them, and said that my mother was a child and needed to be looked after and have her hand held every minute. According to my sister, he was most adamant about the fact that my mother was a child and needed to be cared for and treated as one, repeating it loudly whenever she tried to talk. According to my sister, he refused to listen to a word she said and quite literally shouted her down every time she tried to talk. She finally told him that she'd hang up if he didn't stop yelling, then she hung up on him. In a cell phone chat with me the next day, my mother had mentioned that my aunt was ill (she'd wormed that bit of info out of him at the hospital just before my sister had shown up,) so when I talked to my sister a few days later, I told her that worry was a possible reason for his flying off the handle in such an out-of-character way at her. She said he never told her about my aunt's illness in any of the conversations she'd had with him, it came as a complete surprise.
From my sister's POV, the case against my uncle is A) he did not communicate to her that he needed to be elsewhere at any point in their conversation and B) she thought they were a team working together to look after my mother. Also C), how dare he talk to her that way and D) how dare he refer to my mother as a "child", which she is not. My mother is the eldest sibling and it is true, she and my father have always done all the heaving lifting whenever her sisters or brothers have been ill; my uncle has been spared the trouble of having to deal with any of that until now. My sister said he had gotten off lightly in the past and that was about time my uncle pitched in to look after one of his siblings, the way my mother has always done in the past. She said that if he'd told her he had to leave, she would have called one of the other several dozen family members from my father's side of the family who live nearby to sit with her in the hospital. Also, as an ex-ER nurse, she knew my mother's broken arm was a relatively mild medical problem with a cut-and-dried solution (set the arm) -- her expertise as a nurse was not needed. If she couldn't get anyone to sit with my mom at the hospital, she'd have told her to bring a book for the long wait and call a car service to Lutheran, and that she'd be there to pick her up in five hours or so after she'd gotten some sleep in.
My sister was particularly offended to hear what she termed "typical Italian male patriarchal paternalistic crap" (no, tell me what you really think!) coming out of the mouth of our uncle. He is ten years older than me and seven older than she is, and he's never talked this way before -- it occurred to me that he's lost both his older brothers, so maybe he thinks he's The Head of the Family now? My sister recently took some classes in gerontology and the care of the elderly and was taught that treating elderly people as if they are children is the last thing you should do; it damages their dignity and can easily become a self-fulfilling prophecy. The fact that my mother called me up from the waiting room and wept, "Pleeeease come down and take caaaare of meeee!", which totally freaked me out as it was so out of character for her, tells me that my uncle talking to her as if she was a child quite possibly did cause her to descend to a momentary childishness. When I spoke to her the next day to set up the schedule for my visit, she told me it wasn't necessary! "I'm perfectly fine, it's just a damned broken arm," she said. She told me not to bother (of course I did anyway: let's be honest, that was my mom being a tad passive-aggressive, which is way more in character than childishness.) My sister tells me that my mother's initial cell phone message to her sounded more exasperated with the situation than upset, she apparently said, quite calmly, "I can't believe this happened! I was looking at one crack to go around it and tripped on another!" She said she was going to call a car service to go to Lutheran and said to call her on her cell when she got the message. No weeping!
I'm not used to hearing sense come out of my usually uber-dramatique/pain-in-the-ass sister's mouth, and I'm not used to my usually calm, mellow uncle coming off as a jerk. It's really odd that I'm on her side in this one. Like the universe tilted or something. I want to smack my uncle upsides the head, and we're taking my mother's finances out of his hands as soon as she's healed up and a little less fragile. It looks like, for the time being, my sister and I are a happy team of two sisters, working together. It would have made my father so happy! Also, he'd have KILLED my uncle dead if he heard him talking that way.
So anyway, I went down on Friday and stayed through Tuesday. I think I lost about five pounds scrubbing out all of her cabinets and her bathroom! Frankly, neither me, my mother, nor my sister have ever been the bestest, spick-n-spannest house cleaners on the block, but my mother has let it get out of control a little recently. My sister has spoken to an Italian-speaking housekeeper to arrange her coming by once every week or two to clean the place, and my mother got angry because she's "not that old that I need someone to look after me!" I pointed out that it had nothing to do with age -- back in the 70's, when my friends came over, I told them to never to use a glass my mother had given them without washing it out first because she'd squirt some dish soap in it and casually rinse it out, and you'd get a mouth full of lemony-fresh nastiness with your iced tea. This made my mother laugh and agree to the housekeeper.
I had to leave my mom and come home for several reasons, not the least of which was an interview on Thursday. I really liked the place I interviewed at, it was just my cup of tea: but they want someone expert in MS PowerPoint for the Mac. I'm an expert at MS PowerPoint for the PC, and it turns out that PowerPoint on the Mac is about a gazillion times more complicated than it is for the PC. I had to take a test and kept having to use the "Help" button to find out how to do things on the Mac that would have been a snap on the PC. It was very frustrating and I had to do what they asked me to do quick-n-dirty rather than with finesse. The second test was to correct a letter filled with mistakes. I don't think they're going to hire me because they genuinely want an expert in PP for the Mac, and I am not that person (even though IMO I could easily become that person with time.)
Another thing I did: a friend of mine had the week off because she's a teacher and this is Spring Break; she picked me up and we went to dim sum, then to a Mac store to buy my mom a new computer -- one of the things I did at her house was investigate why her computer could no longer get on the internet; apparently it's just really, really, REALLY old and she needs a new one. She pays forty bucks a month for broadband as part of a cable/phone/internet package, she can't just stop paying it so she might as well use it, and she always wanted a Mac. It was fun buying a Mac! Now I want one! After our successful Mac-purchasing adventure, my friend and I went to a wholesale jewelery outlet about 45 minutes from my house and picked up sterling silver pendants with semi-precious stones, charms, and components for pennies on the dollar. I got the loveliest silver, stone, and abalone bails, too. I've been looking for nice bails everywhere! Wow, it's cheap when you go wholesale! I did not know that owning a store made it legal for me to shop at wholesale joints, but know I know! If any of youse guys ever came to visit me, we could drive up to this place (I registered our company with them so I can go any time) and I could then "get it for you wholesale"! I am a fashion connection!
So, yes, I am exhausted, like the little mood icon says, below. Usually my days are long and boring, a lot happened in one week!
My 79-year-old (but exceptionally hale-and-hearty for her age) mother fell on a crack in the concrete a block from her house in Brooklyn and broke two bones in her arm on Sunday, April 18. She was all kinds of wonderfully pragmatic, kept her head and didn't freak out -- she walked home and left a message for my sister on her cell, then called her younger brother (he has been retired for years) to let him know what happened, telling him she was about to call a car service to get to Lutheran Hospital. My uncle convinced her to wait until he could drive there to pick her up and take her himself... which, now that I'm thinking about it, actually took about a half-hour longer than a car service would have taken to get to the ER, since she had to wait that long for him to drive to her house. At the hospital, my uncle convinced her to call my sister again, which she did: this time the call woke my sister up; she's a nurse who had just come off of a double-rotation. She told my uncle that she did not trust herself to drive after being awake for 24 hours, but that she'd be there by the time they were letting my mother go, so she'd be there in time to take her home. My uncle sat with my mother at the hospital during the long hours it takes to get your arm set (from entry at the ER to being allowed to go home takes about six or seven hours.) While that was happening, my sister slept a few hours, then went to Lutheran to take charge of my mother. By then her husband had gotten home from work and they took my mother off my uncle's hands and drove her home. My uncle seemed uncommunicative, but my sister put that down to having sat for so long in a hospital waiting room. They tried to get her to go home with them but she refused -- she demanded to be taken to her own home.
During the long waiting-room wait, my mom had called me on her cell to tell me what had happened. She was weepy and asked me to come down and look after her for a few days, which I promised I'd do. She said my sister would be there soon but did not mention that my uncle was sitting next to her and he didn't take the phone to talk to me.
Now sis and uncle are feuding most horribly, apparently because my uncle was angry that she did not fly to my mother's side instantly -- it turns out that his wife is sick and he wanted to go home to her. Unfortunately, he was not upfront about this; he just sat there in the waiting room with my mom, seething with anger after he talked to my sister. He unloaded his vitriol on her when she called him to let him know that my mother was settled in at home. He yelled that she was a bad daughter and should have been there, that she shouldn't have taken my mother back to her house but should have made her go home with them, and said that my mother was a child and needed to be looked after and have her hand held every minute. According to my sister, he was most adamant about the fact that my mother was a child and needed to be cared for and treated as one, repeating it loudly whenever she tried to talk. According to my sister, he refused to listen to a word she said and quite literally shouted her down every time she tried to talk. She finally told him that she'd hang up if he didn't stop yelling, then she hung up on him. In a cell phone chat with me the next day, my mother had mentioned that my aunt was ill (she'd wormed that bit of info out of him at the hospital just before my sister had shown up,) so when I talked to my sister a few days later, I told her that worry was a possible reason for his flying off the handle in such an out-of-character way at her. She said he never told her about my aunt's illness in any of the conversations she'd had with him, it came as a complete surprise.
From my sister's POV, the case against my uncle is A) he did not communicate to her that he needed to be elsewhere at any point in their conversation and B) she thought they were a team working together to look after my mother. Also C), how dare he talk to her that way and D) how dare he refer to my mother as a "child", which she is not. My mother is the eldest sibling and it is true, she and my father have always done all the heaving lifting whenever her sisters or brothers have been ill; my uncle has been spared the trouble of having to deal with any of that until now. My sister said he had gotten off lightly in the past and that was about time my uncle pitched in to look after one of his siblings, the way my mother has always done in the past. She said that if he'd told her he had to leave, she would have called one of the other several dozen family members from my father's side of the family who live nearby to sit with her in the hospital. Also, as an ex-ER nurse, she knew my mother's broken arm was a relatively mild medical problem with a cut-and-dried solution (set the arm) -- her expertise as a nurse was not needed. If she couldn't get anyone to sit with my mom at the hospital, she'd have told her to bring a book for the long wait and call a car service to Lutheran, and that she'd be there to pick her up in five hours or so after she'd gotten some sleep in.
My sister was particularly offended to hear what she termed "typical Italian male patriarchal paternalistic crap" (no, tell me what you really think!) coming out of the mouth of our uncle. He is ten years older than me and seven older than she is, and he's never talked this way before -- it occurred to me that he's lost both his older brothers, so maybe he thinks he's The Head of the Family now? My sister recently took some classes in gerontology and the care of the elderly and was taught that treating elderly people as if they are children is the last thing you should do; it damages their dignity and can easily become a self-fulfilling prophecy. The fact that my mother called me up from the waiting room and wept, "Pleeeease come down and take caaaare of meeee!", which totally freaked me out as it was so out of character for her, tells me that my uncle talking to her as if she was a child quite possibly did cause her to descend to a momentary childishness. When I spoke to her the next day to set up the schedule for my visit, she told me it wasn't necessary! "I'm perfectly fine, it's just a damned broken arm," she said. She told me not to bother (of course I did anyway: let's be honest, that was my mom being a tad passive-aggressive, which is way more in character than childishness.) My sister tells me that my mother's initial cell phone message to her sounded more exasperated with the situation than upset, she apparently said, quite calmly, "I can't believe this happened! I was looking at one crack to go around it and tripped on another!" She said she was going to call a car service to go to Lutheran and said to call her on her cell when she got the message. No weeping!
I'm not used to hearing sense come out of my usually uber-dramatique/pain-in-the-ass sister's mouth, and I'm not used to my usually calm, mellow uncle coming off as a jerk. It's really odd that I'm on her side in this one. Like the universe tilted or something. I want to smack my uncle upsides the head, and we're taking my mother's finances out of his hands as soon as she's healed up and a little less fragile. It looks like, for the time being, my sister and I are a happy team of two sisters, working together. It would have made my father so happy! Also, he'd have KILLED my uncle dead if he heard him talking that way.
So anyway, I went down on Friday and stayed through Tuesday. I think I lost about five pounds scrubbing out all of her cabinets and her bathroom! Frankly, neither me, my mother, nor my sister have ever been the bestest, spick-n-spannest house cleaners on the block, but my mother has let it get out of control a little recently. My sister has spoken to an Italian-speaking housekeeper to arrange her coming by once every week or two to clean the place, and my mother got angry because she's "not that old that I need someone to look after me!" I pointed out that it had nothing to do with age -- back in the 70's, when my friends came over, I told them to never to use a glass my mother had given them without washing it out first because she'd squirt some dish soap in it and casually rinse it out, and you'd get a mouth full of lemony-fresh nastiness with your iced tea. This made my mother laugh and agree to the housekeeper.
I had to leave my mom and come home for several reasons, not the least of which was an interview on Thursday. I really liked the place I interviewed at, it was just my cup of tea: but they want someone expert in MS PowerPoint for the Mac. I'm an expert at MS PowerPoint for the PC, and it turns out that PowerPoint on the Mac is about a gazillion times more complicated than it is for the PC. I had to take a test and kept having to use the "Help" button to find out how to do things on the Mac that would have been a snap on the PC. It was very frustrating and I had to do what they asked me to do quick-n-dirty rather than with finesse. The second test was to correct a letter filled with mistakes. I don't think they're going to hire me because they genuinely want an expert in PP for the Mac, and I am not that person (even though IMO I could easily become that person with time.)
Another thing I did: a friend of mine had the week off because she's a teacher and this is Spring Break; she picked me up and we went to dim sum, then to a Mac store to buy my mom a new computer -- one of the things I did at her house was investigate why her computer could no longer get on the internet; apparently it's just really, really, REALLY old and she needs a new one. She pays forty bucks a month for broadband as part of a cable/phone/internet package, she can't just stop paying it so she might as well use it, and she always wanted a Mac. It was fun buying a Mac! Now I want one! After our successful Mac-purchasing adventure, my friend and I went to a wholesale jewelery outlet about 45 minutes from my house and picked up sterling silver pendants with semi-precious stones, charms, and components for pennies on the dollar. I got the loveliest silver, stone, and abalone bails, too. I've been looking for nice bails everywhere! Wow, it's cheap when you go wholesale! I did not know that owning a store made it legal for me to shop at wholesale joints, but know I know! If any of youse guys ever came to visit me, we could drive up to this place (I registered our company with them so I can go any time) and I could then "get it for you wholesale"! I am a fashion connection!
So, yes, I am exhausted, like the little mood icon says, below. Usually my days are long and boring, a lot happened in one week!
